


Ready Aim Fire

by twilightstargazer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, bit of angst, or really underlying bellamy making heart eyes you don't really need to squint, post 2x12, underlying bellarke if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3382457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightstargazer/pseuds/twilightstargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Bellamy finally come to head over what happened in ton DC</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ready Aim Fire

The ambush occurred eleven days after he snuck into the mountain and it was unlike anything he had ever seen before. The Grounder army kept locked up inside the mountain did wonders on the Mountain Men’s guard and then, if that wasn’t enough, before any of them could fully recover, the second wave had hit, spearheaded by Lexa and Kane.

Now, several bullet riddled hours later, the battle was finally won. His body ached and his hands were slick with blood but for the first time in a while Bellamy was able to feel at ease, if only for just a little while. He even managed to crack a smile as he saw the Grounder families reunited. Eventually, he spotted Octavia amongst the masses, tending to a woman with bullets embedded in her arm. She immediately sprang to her feet with tears welling in her eyes and he would be lying if he said that his gaze wasn’t a bit watery either. She was alive. After everything that they’d been through she had managed to make it through relatively unscathed and there was nothing more he could have asked for.

Too soon for his liking though, they had to part. Octavia was needed here to look after the wounded warriors and he needed to go look for his people and make sure the remaining thirty nine were okay. With a slight sniff on her part and kiss to the top of her head on his, they promised to meet up as soon as they got back to camp.

Bellamy walked down two sets of stairs and tried his best to ignore the dead lining the walls. Before he could push open the doors to the forty seven’s - thirty nine he had to remind himself- previous confinements, a blur of blonde and blood veritably tackled him.

Bellamy stumbled back at the force at which Clarke had flung herself at him and froze. It took her a moment to realise that something was wrong.

She looked up at him, confused. “Bell-” she started but was cut off when he fought his way out of her grasp.

Something burnt inside him and he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. She had knowingly left everyone in that village to die. She had knowingly left his sister to die and, right then, Bellamy couldn’t even spare her a glance without a flurry of emotions threatening to rise. He couldn’t deal with this now, not here when there were so many things to discuss and people yet to debrief. And so, without a word, he turned on his heel and left, pretending that he didn’t notice the way her face crumpled.

* * *

Bellamy had been avoiding her for the better part of the week. It wasn’t that hard, not when the med bay was flooded with patients that needed constant care. When he wasn’t doing guard duty, he was filling in the blanks for the remaining thirty nine or escorting hunting expeditions. He still saw her around of course, but they were always far too busy to stop and talk, which was completely fine by him.

Despite all of this however, Bellamy couldn’t help but pick up on the small things; the way her hands shook when threading a needle or dressing a cut, the pronounced purple smudges under her eyes, the way her clothes seemed to now hang off her body. She obviously wasn’t okay but it seemed as though he was the only one who had picked up on it. Everyone else chatted easily and smiled at her as if her jumpiness was nothing out of the ordinary.

He tried to ignore it, all of it, but in spite of his hardest efforts, it still niggled in the back of his mind, right there in the periphery of his thoughts; ready to pop up as soon as he let his mind wander. Bellamy wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but, at the same time, whenever the thought of talking to her flickered through his mind, his throat would close up and he would picture Octavia lying dead in ton DC, burnt to ash. Sometimes when his thoughts became too much to handle, he would string his rifle across his chest and pull on his boots to take a short walk through the woods. The consequences he would face if he ever got caught would be heavy, but sometimes, Bellamy figured that that was the only way to properly clear his head.

It was one such night that he snuck out through Raven’s fence to take a quick trek to offer himself some sanity. However, it wasn’t long before he realised that he was being followed, and within a blink, he turned around with his gun at the ready. He almost dropped it when he saw that it was Clarke who was following him. She bit her lip and looked up at him, twisting her hands together. Up close, the dark circles under her eyes looked more pronounced and her cheekbones jutted out from her pallid skin.

“You’re avoiding me.” The words tumbled out of her mouth, a mixture of an accusation, a sigh and acceptance.

There was no point in lying to her; he gave a curt nod in response.

“I’m sorry,” she said, rushed. It was as though those two words ignited something inside him and before he realised, Bellamy had released his grip on the gun, allowing it to furiously swing from his shoulder to hang at his side.

“You almost got her killed, Clarke,” he replied gruffly. The dam he had built throughout the entire week came crashing down and for the first time since all of this had begun he allowed his emotions to ring true. “She’s my fucking sister okay? You lied to me and said that she wasn’t in ton DC just to get me to do my job. She’s the only family I have left and you just left her there to die!” Clarke reeled back, wincing at his harsh tone but taking his tongue lashing nonetheless.

“I know, I know,” she mumbled repeatedly, her voice soft and cracking to show just how broken she was. “I’m sorry, Bellamy.”

“I understand why you had to do it,” he said, looking at a tree behind her shoulder. Her voice was breaking and he knew that as soon as she begun to cry he would be a goner. On his time down here on Earth, Bellamy learnt to deal with a lot of things that would make weaker men run, but a crying Clarke was not one of them. He licked his lips and his Adam’s apple bobbed a little as her spared her a quick glance. “But- you lied to me Clarke and I don’t know if we can go back to normal-”

“Please,” it sounded like nothing more than a ragged sound escaping her chest, “Please. I need you. I- I don’t know what I’m doing without you Bellamy. We’re co-leaders remember? Please don’t say that we can’t go back to normal,” she begged, the plea was ripped from her throat and wrapped itself around Bellamy’s heart, squeezing tightly so that pain blossomed from his chest.

“Clarke-” he took a step forward only to be stopped by her adamantly shaking her head.

She had her eyes shut tightly while her hands formed fists at her sides. “I see them,” she said with her voice trembling, “Every night I see them. The ones I couldn’t save. I can’t sleep because of it. I can’t eat without feeling like I’m going to throw up because every time I blink I see that village going up in flames. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I can’t lead like this. I don’t want to lead like this.”  
She sniffed and her hand darted up to swipe at her eyes that glistened threateningly. 

Hesitantly, Bellamy allowed himself to place a hand on her arm. “I know what it’s like,” he said lowly, feeling his chest tighten more and more at each tear that fell from her eyes. “What it feels like to be responsible for something like that.”

Before he had properly finished his sentence Clarke was shaking her head. “When you pulled that radio out of Raven’s ship you didn’t know that the Ark was ready to sacrifice three hundred people just so they could save oxygen. I went to that village knowing full well that they were all going to die in an hour’s time.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. “All of those innocent people and I- I just let them die, Bellamy,” she said, voice cracking, “My own mother can’t even look at me properly anymore. I’m- I’m a monster.”

Those three words broke him then and suddenly Bellamy felt as though they were back under that big oak tree at the bunker where he had said those exact same words to her. She had done everything she could have to reassure him and now he was intent on trying to do the same for her.

“Hey,” he said, catching the hand that rose to swipe at the few more tears that escaped. It broke him to see her like this. “You are not a monster.” She shook her head again and by then, the tears were coming thick and fast, no longer just dripping one by one from her eyes, but pouring, creating tiny rivers that streamed down her face.

“How can you say that?” she sobbed, “How can you forgive me? I almost killed Octavia. I killed Finn. I caused the death of an entire village. I _lied_ to you. There is so much blood on my hands, how can anyone forgive me?”

Not knowing what else to do, Bellamy gently pulled her shivering form against his chest, carefully stroking back her hair as he muttered, “You’re not a monster Clarke. It had to be done. No matter what choice you made, it would have still ended with someone dying. There’s nothing to forgive.” The words felt empty, almost insignificant as he pressed her closer to him, wishing that there was something else he could have done to make her feel better. Something other than words. More permanent than just a little pep talk in the woods at some godforsaken hour of the night. Even as those thoughts flitted through his head, Clarke’s hysterics seemed to dull just a little and she didn’t seem to shaking quite as violently as before as she clung on to him as if he were the only thing able to keep her anchored to the ground. Bellamy allowed a small bit of hope to balloon in his chest, just for a little while at this, taking it to mean that his words had had a proper effect on her.

The two of them stood there in the woods together until Clarke’s sobbing faded into hiccoughs. Bellamy still held her, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist, against his chest, whispering words of comfort. They weren’t going to be okay, they both knew that, and maybe they could never fully wash off all the blood from their hands, but maybe one day they could eventually go back to normal.

* * *

_it started out with[this](http://jamespotterstolemyknickers.tumblr.com/post/110858390851/not-gonna-lie-though-i-am-looking-forward-to) post on tumblr and then it eventually snowballed into this_

 

 

 


End file.
